...

 I've been crying a lot lately.

It's actually excruciatingly awful seeing someone you love in pain and not being able to do anything – especially when they won't accept your help either.

I keep getting hit by the happy memories I made with her, as they get older and more faded. I wonder if my love somehow was able to touch her heart even if just a little bit. I miss being with her, talking to her, getting to know about her day. I loved it when she texted me about the cake they had in her job or literally whatever. I miss her little world. I miss being part of it. I miss her good mornings and her kisses. I miss the soft touch of her skin and hearing her voice babbling about animals.

There are so many songs with lines that make me think of her and us.

"In another life, I would be your girl. We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world".

"Every line I would write for you, but a footnote will do".

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better but because I knew you I have been changed for good".

I went all the way along the yellow brick road to her beautiful heart only to be tossed back to a life in black and white.

It's been almost a month since we last talked properly and I don't think I've missed anything more in my whole life.

I'll keep praying for her to get better though. And that maybe my love will put a band-aid through her soul, no matter how broken it became.

I'll love her forever, no matter what. The memories will remain and so will my most honest feelings. But I'll forever miss her as well, and maybe I'll have to learn to live with it.